Breakups Suck

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from etsy shop Clare Loveday

In writing this post I have found out two things: it’s really hard to write a breakup post without sounding really bitter and I’m a total hypocrite. I had this whole opener typed out about how much relationships suck (they do!) and how people insist on giving these bullshit positive messages and advice to you when they find out (do I sound bitter and kind of bitchy?!). Cleverly, I was going to follow this with a list of post-breakup advice filled with those positive messages about how it just wasn’t meant to be.

Luckily for you I decided to take out all that pessimistic stuff and focus on the effective ways to get over your ex or at least not wallow in self-pity and body odor for too long. If only there were a pill that would make you forget about all those late night french fry runs and spontaneous dance parties whenever ‘your song’ came on, and you could move on in life forgetting about them completely. Sadly there isn’t, and the closest thing we have is the ‘unfriend’ button on Facebook.

1. Change your password, yo! Even if your ex is a saint (which he isn’t), you should change any passwords that he knows. This isn’t to say that he will do something crazy, but you never know. People react in all sorts of unexpected ways when they are upset. Also, months later when the dust has settled and his computer still has your Netflix account logged in, you don’t want him seeing the amount of “Hills” episodes you watched post breakup.

2. Look hot. It is really easy to give up on your appearance and hygiene when you are heartbroken. Don’t do this rookie mistake! How good do you feel when you’re sweaty and have greasy hair? Answer: not good. It will make you feel better to put on some makeup and take regular showers. Give yourself a week of being a disgusting, snotty mess and then pull it together dude. There is nothing worse than running into an ex while looking like a crazy bag lady.

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3. Do some extra living. This is the time in your life to catch up on all the things that you didn’t do because of him. What did you love that he hated? Now, do it! Was there a specific TV show or band that was like rainbows and unicorns to you, but he couldn’t stand? Was one of your favorite coats a source of humor to him? This is the time to wear it. Indulge in all of your silly, little guilty pleasures. Pamper yourself. Take the time to get a massage or watch all of Gossip Girl on Netflix.

4. Get out there.
If breaks up are like the flu, then friends and family are like your medicine. It is so easy to isolate yourself when you are feeling blue, but don’t. Just keep going. Make a list of a bunch of things you could do and choose the least offensive to your current emotional state.

5. Cry. There is this positivity movement right now that seems to be really popular. My main issue is that while living a positive life is great, we can experience a wide range of emotions. I think in order to live a full and honest life we need to express and work through any emotions that come up. By ignoring or repressing negative emotions all we are doing is lying to ourselves.

–Lulu

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